Satire: It’s Your BofA, Your Tax Money, Your Problem

April 19th, 2012 by invasive · 1 Comment · all ur bankz, bailout

Somebody went through a lot of trouble to create the Bank of America satire site It’s so well done, that I must admit I got punked myself.

yourbofa Brian Moynihan

The About page talks about BofA’s history, starting with the 1906 San Francisco earthquake:

One century ago, a resourceful Italian immigrant named Amadeo Giannini rescued the meager deposits of his fledgling bank from the fires that followed San Francisco’s most legendary calamity, the earthquake of 1906. Days later, with most other banks in ruins and unable to open their vaults, Amadeo was making handshake-guaranteed loans to desperate San Franciscans from behind a makeshift desk on the waterfront. Our bank was thus born of one of the most notorious disasters in history. Soon, your bank will rise from the ashes of a new catastrophe — this one of human origin.

It then goes on to describe’s BofA’s “too-big-to-fail” status, leading to the moment when BofA’s problem becomes your problem. That is, guess who gets to bail them out?

You are soon to play the role of pilot, passenger, and rescuer of the mighty craft that will soon be your Bank of America. It is on your shoulders to act decisively, and it is on your gut to rebuild the bank of your dreams.

The best part is this supposed message from CEO Brian Moynihan:

Today, it’s time to acknowledge that our Bank isn’t working anymore—not just for the market, but for people, our real customers. We’ve paid $8.58 billion in relief to borrowers and $3.24 billion in fines. We face lawsuits and claims from citizens, companies, and state and local governments. There is even a petition with the Federal Reserve to break up our bank, adding yet more uncertainty to our position….
As a result, our company’s shares have fallen precipitously, and now trade at one-fifth their 2008 price. Our Bank may, in fact, soon need help keeping afloat—and much as in 2008, you, the American taxpayer, will be asked to provide that assistance.
The institutions you rescued in 2008 have continued much as they always were, engaging in the same practices that brought our economy so close to collapse. To make sure that this time around, things turn out differently, we at Bank of America are launching a forum in which you, the American taxpayer, can prepare for the time that you own us. By sharing ideas, and reading and rating the ideas of others, you can begin charting a course for this Bank—your course.
Welcome to your Bank of America.

Oh man, this is priceless stuff.

There’s even a fake PR announcement.

More on the spoof at BBJ and YesLab

Even the supposed denunciation of the hoax by BofA was, itself, a hoax. Brilliant. was created by Yes Lab, Rainforest Action Network, New Bottom Line, and some people from Occupy Wall Street’s Alternative Banking working group.

The site allows you to get creative and make your own ads for BofA, which of course results in LOLs like this:

BOFA user generated ad

Then there are those not quite safe for work.

Recently, BofA reported a 68% drop in earnings on a 17% decline in revenue. It’s profit was $653 million, earnings were 31 cents a share, which still beat estimates (which were 12 cents/share). The bank had to undergo a $4.8 billion pre-tax accounting charge connected to a change in the value of its debt. (source: WSJ)

BofA is currently trading around 8.77 per share.


One Comment so far ↓

  • lavacake

    “BofA reported a 68% drop in earnings on a 17% decline in revenue”

    Wonder what fees they’re going to charge the few who are unable or too stupid to leave the bank. Besides, Moynihan needs to get his million dollar bonuses back.

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