It’s a trillion-dollar group hug in the EU tonight, as the countries band together to prop up their beleaguered currency:

European policy makers unveiled an unprecedented loan package worth nearly $1 trillion and a program of bond purchases as they spearheaded a global drive to stop a sovereign-debt crisis that threatened to shatter confidence in the euro. Jolted into action by last week’s slide in the currency and soaring bond yields in Portugal and Spain, the 16 euro nations agreed to offer financial assistance worth as much as 750 billion euros ($962 billion) to countries under attack from speculators. The European Central Bank will counter “severe tensions” in “certain” markets by purchasing government and private debt.

In laymans’ terms, I think this means that if Portugal and Spain’s finances start going to hell in a handbasket like Greece’s did, the EU will buy up debt in those markets to keep the evil speculators from driving it down like whoa. It will probably also, at least for now, stop the euro from sliding to the levels where you could get a four-and-a-half star hotel room on the Danube for $50US a night, and man, those were the days

If you need it any more pared down – that’s the EU singing about being a happy family, and that’s the speculators getting Rick Roll’d:

Oh, in case you’re wondering where the money is coming from: it’s €440 billion of loans from euro-zone governments, €60 billion from an EU emergency fund, and €250 billion from the International Monetary Fund. €0 from Rick Astley. Sorry to drag your name into all this, Rick. From this side of the pond, and separate from the measures listed above, the Federal Reserve has also opened credit lines to lend European banks any loller dollars they might need to operate, as have the Bank of Canada, the Bank of England, the European Central Bank and the Swiss National Bank (Bank of Japan is still contemplating).