Bernie Madoff, A WINNAR IS YOU! You may recall that last month, Allen Stanford lost his round of Ponzi Punch-out. Madoff, however, brought the prison pain to a man ten years his junior:

Bernard Madoff got into a fight in the prison yard with another inmate over the stock market – and won, the New York Post reported, quoting eyewitnesses.

The 71 year-old Ponzi schemer, who is serving 150 years at the Butner, NC federal prison, got into a heated argument about the state of the market with another inmate in his 60s, inmates told the New York Post.

The two were in a shouting match that got so heated the inmate pushed Madoff, who shoved back with both hands and made his attacker stagger. Madoff was hovering over his attacker red-faced and glaring, eyewitnesses told the paper.

We love that the fight was actually over the stock market. You would expect that a 71-year-old man fighting with a dude in his 60s, in prison, would be scuffling over who was next in line for prison-yard shuffleboard, using the last of the Old Spice when the inmate general store wasn’t going to get any more in stock for another two weeks, or perhaps taking a double portion of strained peas in the lunch line. No, it was the stock market. Doubly funny, because Madoff never cared about the actual performance of the stock market BEFORE he went to jail, having not executed anything other than fantasy trades in his clients’ portfolios in years, or was it decades?

CNBC’s got a funny feature right now where they pit Madoff v. Skilling v. Stanford v. Ebbers v. Kozlowski v. Stewart in a white-collar deathmatch, if you’d like to go vote. My money’s on Kozlowski tearing them all up like he’s Andy Golota in a Włocławek disco, but that’s just my opinion.