No one is shopping at _________.

You can put the name of pretty much any retailer in there, as same-store failings continue to come out this morning and it is a misstravaganza. Macy’s down 4% and closing stores, Costco down 4%, LoLo texting me at 8am about 80% off at Saks… and even market darling Wal-Mart (WMT) is reporting a huge miss, shocking most analysts and market commentators, who thought that slashing prices on Hormel bacon and saltine crackers was a plan that could not fail:

Revenue from U.S. stores open at least a year increased 1.7 percent last month, below analysts’ estimates. For January, sales will be unchanged to 2 percent higher, the Bentonville, Arkansas- based company said today in a statement. Fourth-quarter profit from continuing operations will be 91 cents to 94 cents a share, down from a November projection of $1.03 to $1.07.

Evidently some analysts are still bullish on WMT with the expectation that the store will push a lot of iPhones, and with the rate at which my friends seem to be breaking theirs, I almost want to put credence in that, but really, when you consider that their traditional base no longer wants to buy $7.50 jeans and Saltines, I don’t believe it. They’ve got cash on hand, so they’ll survive, obviously – and that is really the only metric I would be using right now to determine which retailers will still be around and which you can potentially short to zero – but cheap bacon only makes one kind of “overweight” and it’s not the portfolio kind.