Labor Day: We Have Today Off, Markets Not So Much

September 5th, 2011 by alyx · fail

What’s that delicious charred smell? Well, in my backyard it’s a 2″ thick new york strip but everywhere else around the world, it’s the scent of the major indices burning off a few percentage points. Expect a spillover in the US tomorrow:

European stocks dragged global equities down along with them all day Monday as the banking sector keeps looking weaker by the day. U.S. investors will be ending their summer on a sour note Tuesday morning. Unless they left their short positions still open on Friday.

“I think the Dow opens 200 points lower on Tuesday,” says Vlad Signorelli, director of global research at Bretton Woods Research LLC in New Jersey. “Maybe even more. Between the European banking sector and the politics at the core all saying austerity is the solution, there is no growth on the horizon in Europe and the market just keeps pushing their growth projections lower.”

And as we’ve well established, to the market, austerity = ur doin it rong. Even Nouriel Roubini was calling for the ECB to cut rates but Trichet isn’t the kind of guy who pays attention to, oh, I don’t know, anyone.


What’s that? Doom? I can’t heeeeeear yoooooooou

So the eurozone is in shambles, the US govt is suing all the banks for selling crap MBS to Fannie and Freddie, and US job growth stalled. I suppose there are a lot of expectations now for President Obama’s jobs speech later this week, and it should be interesting to hear what he can possibly say that is reassuring on that front. It seems to me like the current “hiring” being done in the US just rejiggers the people who are already employed by one company to a different position at another, with no actual jobs being created so as to re-employ the long-term unemployed. And, if that pisses you off, I’d suggest you call your Congressman and pitch whatever job creation package your political bent endorses – tax cuts, incentives, hell, a federal program that puts sign twirlers on every corner, gives them “Marketing Manager” job titles and pays them in (hopefully not burnt) hotdogs, I don’t care – rather than whining to Monster.com that it’s not fair. Big-picture, 9+% employment is fail no matter how you slice it.

Oh, and happy Labor Day!

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The Yen Is Too Damn High

August 30th, 2011 by invasive · Currencies

The new prime minister of Japan, Yoshihiko Noda, is putting the rising value of the yen on his high-priority list. Of course, dealing with fixing the tsunami damage and nuclear accident is probably up there, somewhere.

Noda is to hold discussions with the opposition party (Liberal Democratic Party), which he needs to help him pass key legislation, including a budget that will fund the reconstruction of the Tohoku region.

Source: Financial Times

Government data highlighted the challenges Mr Noda faces as he seeks to revitalise Japan’s embattled economy while bringing its public finances under control. The jobless rate rose for the third consecutive month to 4.7 per cent in July, while consumption fell 2.1 per cent year-on-year, following a 3.5 per cent drop in June.

Wait, their unemployment rate is 4.7%? Wow, doesn’t Obama wish he could have that! (without the radiation and earthquakes, of course).

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Hope You Weren’t Long Apple Stock

August 24th, 2011 by alyx · breaking news

In case, you know, you don’t read ANY other news media outlets, just thought we’d mention that Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, has resigned. Given that his personality has driven so much of the company’s revival, we feel a little badly for his successor, Tim Cook, who now has to fill those effortlessly hip New Balance sneakers. (Also, I cannot find one picture of Tim in a turtleneck.)

Jobs’ resignation can be read here. Jason pointed it out to me, and I’m sorely disappointed it doesn’t actually say “iQuit.” We wish him the best, of course, in all things career- and health-related.

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Jackson Hole Wish List: QE3, More HP Touchpads

August 23rd, 2011 by alyx · bernanke

The market rose over 300 points today, mostly on hopes and rumors that the Fed will take some kind of action this week at Jackson Hole – perhaps announcing plans to buy up more bonds and thus begin QE3.

Yes, folks, it’s a “when bad news is good news” kind of moment for stocks:

Another round of dismal economic reports prompted hopes that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke will employ more accommodative measures to boost the economy. The Richmond Fed’s regional manufacturing survey showed sharply declining economic activity this month. New home sales also dropped for a third straight month and fell to the lowest level since February.

The downbeat reports have put more of an emphasis on Bernanke’s scheduled speech in Jackson Hole, Wyo., on Friday. Investors hope Bernanke will be more open to new easing measures, but at the same time are unclear as to what the central bank may have in store.

“There’s definitely a tint of optimism that he’ll pull a rabbit out of his hat,” said Michael Church, president of Addison Capital.

Compared to rumors and conjecture, things like a little acid reflux from the Earth’s tectonic plates were relatively ignored. After the initial “oh s***” reaction to today’s earthquake, it failed to dampen the hope that another helicopter drop is incoming.

And speaking of the rest of today’s breaking news, we’re also beginning to think there is some kind of conspiracy theory afoot with the runs on discontinued HP Touchpads that have been all over the news lately. Seriously, this much hype for a $99 tablet PC? A couple nefarious possibilities include:

- The Fed has been actually been the buyer for these tablets, thus increasing monetary supply $99 at a time every time it can nab one from Best Buy, Staples or OnSale; they’ll subsequently be spraypainted gold and used as filler to replace the sold-off reserves in Fort Knox

- Plunge Protection Team is acquiring the tablets and is developing a cutting-edge WebOS app that steps in at 3:30pm to BUY BUY BUY if the market falls more than -2%

Got another idea? Leave it in the comments :)

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Epic DOW Drop Is Epic – You See What Happens?

August 8th, 2011 by invasive · breaking news, cnbc, fail, jim cramer, markets

You See What Happens, Tommy?

Remember when the DOW dropped 500 points last Thursday? Remember when “people” were saying “Hey, there, kid! It’s a tremendous buying opportunity! Oversold!! Buy the dip!!”

Well, I really hope you didn’t listen. Because falling knives are really sharp. Since the United States got downgraded Friday by S&P from AAA to AA+, things have taken a turn for the worse. The DOW closed down 634 points today, a 5.5% decline. If you think that’s bad, the Nasdaq suffered a 6.9% drop and the S&P 500 was down 6.66%. That’s three sixes, which obviously means Satan is involved.

Or maybe it’s not Satan but that damn S&P that just has it in for us, or maybe it’s our political system, as Obama told us early this afternoon. The president said “No matter what some agency may say, we’ve always been and always will be a AAA country.”

And after that short speech, the markets dropped further.

As Zero Hedge stated, this was the 6th largest drop in Dow Jones history. That’s awesome that records are being made!

And we hope you really stayed away from Bank of America, which dropped 20% today. But maybe Cramer still likes it. Buy the dip!

AAA to AA

Off the road. On the booze.

Some more funny items I saw today:

  • The Onion: Drunken Ben Bernanke tells everyone at bar how screwed economy really is…
  • Michael Moore wants Obama to arrest the CEO of Standard & Poors!
  • The president quoted Warren Buffett as saying the United States is a “AAAA” country. The S&P, of course, marked the outlook for Berkshire Hathaway from stable to “negative.”
  • Tim Geithner says that the S&P has “shown a stunning lack of knowledge about basic US fiscal budget math.” LOL.
  • BofA says they don’t need to raise capital. (Right.) On a related note, I have heard rumors that people are raiding ATMs to get their money out of BofA as fast as possible. Can anybody confirm?
  • Final LOL: Cramer still has a job.

-Bill

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