Executives at the Charlotte, N.C., financial giant put the potential move on a list of emergency scenarios submitted to the Federal Reserve last year. While people close to Bank of America insist that no retreat is imminent, even the possibility of selling branches and losing customers it spent huge sums to lure underscores the depth of its problems.

The article goes on to talk about BofA’s current and past problems. Back in the late 90s/early 00s, the bank went hogwild, extending into every corner of the union. It suffered greatly when the housing crisis hit and our economy went off the cliff. It didn’t help matters that then CEO Ken Lewis pushed through Bank of America’s purchase of Countrywide Financial. Good one, Lewis. Hey, at least you didn’t preside over the AOL/Time Warner fiasco, right? (Ken should put that on his resume: *not responsible for the AOL/Time Warner merger). BofA’s problems continue today, with its share price declining over 50% within the past year. J.P. Morgan recently took away their crown for largest bank by assets.

Current CEO Brian Moynihan also has a plan to sell shares tied to the performance of Merrill Lynch, which BofA picked up in 2008 and is doing way better.

The drastic moves would be seriously considered only if Bank of America needs to raise more capital to cushion itself from mortgage woes and other turmoil. Mr. Moynihan, other top executives and directors of the sprawling bank are grappling with scenarios that were unthinkable even during the worst moments of the financial crisis.

Whatever will we do if Operation GTFO is put into motion? Where will we bank for exorbitant fees? We shudder at the thought of going to credit unions. They just seem too nice if you ask us.

Because figgy pudding just doesn’t taste the same when you have to eat it out of a can, on a street corner, while huddling around a garbage can full of burning newspapers for warmth, a moratorium on foreclosures has been announced until the end of the holidays:

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will not foreclose on any homeowners between December 19 and January 2, according to statements on their web sites. Private mortgage providers, such as JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, and Bank of America, also said they plan to suspend their evictions during the holidays, according to CNNMoney.

They’re not pausing any of their legal proceedings – just the actual act of booting. Which we suppose will allow for at least a few homeowners to eke out a few additional plasma donations or hock a few additional possessions to keep the wolves at bay, though most are likely so far in arrears that the additional time won’t help very many people. (Currently, a record-high 4.29% of homes are with active mortgages are in foreclosure, or just over 1 in 25.) But, hey, at least when you go to Mom and Dad’s for Christmas you won’t have to show up on their front porch with a U-Haul. You can save that for the week after New Year’s.

If you click through the link, HuffPo has a slideshow of some of the more interesting foreclosure fails of the year, including Bank of America foreclosing on its own branch office, foreclosing on someone who made a payment too early, threatening to foreclose on a man over an unpaid bill for $0, etc. (Interestingly, most of the items in the slideshow are $BAC-related.)

There’s an adage in marketing that you should surprise and delight your customers. I think this one qualifies as a “surprise” but not so much as a “delight”. NetSpend, a company in Austin, TX, shipped out a prepaid debit card offer to one “Asswipe Williams” in Sacramento, CA. Problem is, the dude is actually named James.

A seven-year-old in the household opened the envelope and uncovered the offending card, local news was alerted, and winning the award for journalistic failure, it seems Fox40 actually found it necessary to ask this guy if he planned to use the “Asswipe Williams” credit card. Unsurprisingly, he responded in the negative.

As to what really happened, your guess is as good as mine. I’ve heard urban legends of a person who was actually named “Asswipe” (pronounced “as-wee-pay”), but more likely than not I’d guess this is a prank. We are pretty sure where the card will end up, though:

Williams has also tried calling the company. He’s weighing his legal options and wants an explanation for the error he calls unprofessional and offensive.

“We’re a Christian family, you know? Church every Sunday. And for that baby to see something like that coming through the mail is not cool,” said Williams.

Won’t these marketing databases think of the children?

Now that the shiny new social network Google+ is open to brand pages, there’s been something of a free-for-all during the time between when a page is built and when it is verified (and by “when”, I mean “if”, as $BAC has a verified page yet this one still stands). Which is, of course, bad news if someone has an axe to grind against you. Props to the tipster who send us the screenshot of the “Bank of America” Google+ faux page. We really dig the assortment of Ken Lewis pictures they selected for the navigation. Status updates include the location of parties in foreclosed homes and this personal favorite of mine: “Living under a tarp? I am too. My TARP is much bigger, however, and billions of dollars more expensive.”

Link, if it’s still up and running.

Alex Schaefer, a California artist, has tapped into some of the frustration with the financial system via a visual statement: a series of paintings of burning banks. His reasoning:

Schaefer tells The Los Angeles Times that his painting is a “visual metaphor for the havoc that banking practices have caused to the economy.”

Works for us, as we’ve probably executed a visual metaphor or two for the havoc that banking practices have caused, yadda yadda, ourselves. Unlike us, Schaefer has been paid a visit or two by the police, as pasting a caption on Jamie Dimon’s face is, I suppose, somewhat less of a threat to national security than rendering a portrait of a financial institution being immolated.

Schaefer decided to auction a couple of the pieces on eBay (glad he got the auctions over and done with before resellers flooded the site with all that Missoni for Target nonsense), and we’ve been watching his auctions with interest looking for inspiration to monetize this site as a gauge of anti-bank sentiment. The two that ended most recently did quite well:

“Chase Burning”, 28×22, $25,200
“Bank of America”, 8×6, $3,601

We’d try to gauge which bank was the more hated of the two, but the Bank of America painting commanded a higher price per square inch, though the Chase painting commanded a higher price overall, so it’s kind of a wash. At any rate, suffice it to say we’ll be working on some artwork this weekend. Any early bids on a 11×18 decoupage of Moynihan, Dimon and the Bandit making s’mores over a firepit of cash?