From the “Pureeing While Rome Burns” department, we have one of those stories that looks like it came from Idiocracy, The Onion or at the very least one of those “where do you bury the survivors” trick questions – how much pureed fruit, likely infused with high-fructose corn syrup, does one have to put atop a piece of bread in order for it to constitute a vegetable? The answer is two tablespoons:

But let’s leave aside the horticultural definition and talk about how Congress failed the quiz. It chose 2 tablespoons, blocking sorely needed nutritional upgrades to the $11 billion federal school lunch programs. It did so because members’ brains (and quite possibly their bellies) are controlled by lobbyists.

Two tablespoons is about the amount of paste commonly found on the cardboard slices that pose as pizza in far too many school cafeterias. That amount will continue to qualify as a vegetable serving. Did I mention the frozen food lobby?

Now, on the upside, pizza day was my favorite as a kid. It was the only time I would ask my mom for lunch money in lieu of a packed lunch. So this is a probably a win for Junior’s taste buds, as much as it is for the frozen food industry. It also likely keeps costs down, given the percentage of students who receive subsidized lunch.

But I’d feel a little better if they’d come out and admit it. “We’re broke, so kids are going to get processed food and like it” is so much more honest than this kind of maneuvering, which absolutely smacks of giving us a little panem et circenses to blither about instead of actual issues. No one’s bleeding, it’s just a little tomato paste. Pay no attention to the fail behind the curtain.

(h/t Glossolalia Black for the image)