Hi, I’m Bill. Alyx and Jason are in Vegas, gambling away their LOLFED ad revenues. In their drunken stupor, they left me in charge, the dopes. I am almost certain to sink this enterprise with a quickness.

Speaking of sinking enterprises, have you taken a look at the state of world currencies lately? And have you seen what Uncle Benny and the FED have been doing with their seemingly endless supply of cash? The Washingon Post reports that during the years of 2008 and 2009, the Federal Reserve contributed trillions of dollars in aid to more than just Wall Street jokers. They also saw fit to throw money towards the jokers in foreign-owned banks as well. Here’s a list of peeps who received “tha paper”, as the rappers put it. (Those crazy rappers!)

• General Electric
• Caterpillar
• Verizon
• Harley-Davidson
• Toyota
• Citigroup
• Bank of America
• Wachovia
• Wells Fargo
• JPMorgan Chase
• Goldman Sachs
• UBS (Switzerland)
• Barclays (Britain)
• Korean Development Bank (South Korea)
• BNP Paribas and Société Générale (France)
• Deutsche Bank, Dresdner Bank, and Bayerische Landesbank (Germany)
• Free State of Bavaria
• Arab Banking Corp (Bahrain)
• Dexia (Belgium)
• Bank of Scotland and Royal Bank of Scotland

You can see ZeroHedge for more of the foreign banks that the Bernank made it rain on. These revelations about Uncle Benny’s borrowers are courtesy of the Dodd–Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act, requiring the Fed to spill the beans on who benefitted from its many bailout schemes.

Now don’t fret about the FED bailing out the entire world. After all, as Richard Fisher (Prez of Dallas FED) said:

“We took an enormous amount of risk with the people’s money… we didn’t lose a dime, and in fact we made money on every one of them.”

And companies like Goldman Sachs made a lot of money in 2009. This is good for the elites working there, because they can get their big salaries and bonuses. Money is flowing like wine on Wall Street, so cheer up! Oh, of course there’s that one little issue that Senator Bernard Sanders brought up (that buzzkill!):

Sanders said these banks got off easy while receiving extraordinary aid. In rescuing these firms, the Fed never required them to lend to small businesses, modify the mortgages of homeowners or invest in a way that would create jobs. “We bailed these guys out, but the requirements placed upon them had very little positive impact on the needs of ordinary Americans,” Sanders said.

Bastard! How dare he ruin Uncle Benny’s party. His glorious party, which treats the whole world like a giant strip club. Make it rain, Benny! I would suggest changing the name of the Federal Reserve to the Global Reserve, but then LOLGLOB just doesn’t have the same ring.