In most neighborhoods, banks aren’t bothering to foreclose on homes that are far in arrears, reluctant to pile more mortgage losses on their books. Unfortunately for one guy in South Florida, his lender, Bank of America, decided to get proactive about that mess. And they foreclosed on his house. And they sold it out from under him.

But, that’s just his tough luck, right? Well, except for the fact that HE DIDN’T HAVE A MORTGAGE (h/t to Bart L. for the story):

When Jason Grodensky bought his modest Fort Lauderdale home last December, he paid cash. But seven months later, he was surprised to learn that Bank of America had foreclosed on the house, even though Grodensky did not have a mortgage.

Grodensky knew nothing about the foreclosure until July, when he learned that the title to his home had been transferred to a government-backed lender. “I feel like I’m hanging in the wind and I’m scared to death,” said Grodensky. “How did some attorney put through a foreclosure illegally?”

Bank of America has acknowledged the error and will correct it at its own expense, said spokeswoman Jumana Bauwens.

FTL. No, not Fort Lauderdale. For the loss, $BAC. For the loss. Countrywide (which was acquired by Bank of America) had started foreclosure proceedings on the previous owner when Grodensky stepped in and paid cash for the house in a short sale, but the bank neglected to, you know, put a stop on the foreclosure paperwork. The backlog of foreclosures in the Florida courts means they all get about three seconds of actual attention, so when the paperwork finally came around, it was rubber-stamped and the house was offloaded.

Also from the land of failure, the latest Ponzi scheme involves ‘Tony’ and ‘Tyna’ and a Neiman Marcus shopping spree of epic (fail) proportions:

An FBI investigation found Bach and Nguyen were running a financial scheme typical of a Ponzi, where initial investors are paid out of the money raised from later investors, the criminal complaint said.

Agents said Bach hired Winter Park resident Jerry Parks as a sales consultant for Nguyen’s company, Freedom Investment Consulting.

Bach ['Tyna'] and Nguyen ['Tony'] told Parks they had a “special relationship” with banks that allowed them to offer 100 percent to 1,000 percent investment returns in a short timeframe.

Bach and Nguyen said they could buy a $100,000 note payable from a bank for $50,000, and they could then sell the same note on the open market for $100,000 that day, resulting in a 100 percent profit.

Parks brought in more than 50 investors with proceeds totaling more than $1.4 million, the complaint said. An agent reviewed bank accounts affiliated with Bach and Nguyen and found about $2.9 million was deposited into and withdrawn from one account.

In another account, more than $700,000 in cash was withdrawn and payments were made to Travelocity, Gucci and Walmart.

So what’s the most tragic thing here?

- 50 people actually believed this guy could turn a profit of 100% in one day, via a ‘special relationship’ that did not consist of Tyna turning tricks in the back of someone’s corporate jet

- The article I’m sourcing is so badly written that I am not sure how they could have taken in $1.4 million and ended up with $3.6 million unless they actually were magically doubling people’s money

- Tyna’s real name is ‘Bich’

- Someone who allegedly ran off with $1.4 million was still shopping at Wal-Mart

Actually it’s none of those things but instead the fact that these two claim they were scammed themselves, and that they won’t turn themselves in because they want to “get the publicity.”

Well, hey, congrats, you made LOLFed. And with that I’m off to Neiman’s website to spend someone’s investment capitala gift card (thanks Marina!), so yeah. Anybody want me to double their money? I could use some more Louboutins.