Now, in addition to all the other holidays the postal service gets (and I don’t, so insert haterade here), they are also petitioning to adopt Caturday as a national holiday. Really, guys? Caturday?

You and I both know it’s because our mailmen want to stay home and photoshop captions on cats. In fact, we’re sure we spotted some lobbyists from the American Postal Workers Union, AFL-CIO, on the Hill not that long ago with a suitcase full of cat captions, trying to make their case. This won’t be sold to the public as a cat-captioning measure, though. The postal service wants you to think it’s being done to save money:

The U.S. Postal Service must make drastic changes to avert a projected loss of $238 billion over the next decade, including closing post office branches and raising prices, Postmaster General John Potter said Tuesday.

The Postal Service also released further details about its proposal to scale back to five-day delivery, saying it wants to eliminate Saturday deliveries. The move from six days to five could save the Postal Service $3.3 billion a year, Potter said.

Oh, come on. With all the money our government prints, you think we believe we can’t afford to keep the mail running six days a week? $3.3 billion is nothing. We throw that into black holes all the time.

It has to be the cats. No other explanation.
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Well…. for the Lebowski fans around here, as I know there are many here’s the alternate version of this post.

Walter: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don’t work, I don’t get in a car, I don’t f**ing ride in a car, I don’t pick up the phone, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as s** don’t f**king DELIVER MAIL! Shomer shabbos!