The Loneliest Beard In The World

March 1st, 2010 by Jason · 2 Comments · governors

Looks like the job market is finally turning around – there’s another opening at the Fed, as Ben’s Vice Chairman, Donald Kohn, announced his retirement this morning. When he leaves at the end of his term in June, that will be three vacancies on the board of governors, which means your chances for landing the most awesome* job in finance just increased 50%. Why does no one want to work with Ben?

Before we go any further, I’d like to take issue with the linked article’s title: Fed’s No. 2 Plans to Retire, Leaving 3 Vacancies on Board. This makes Kohn sound like the only piece of doody at the Fed, and that can’t be right. Either they’re all #2 or none of them are.

So who is dis guy?

Mr. Kohn, 67, began his career as a financial economist at the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City in 1970, before he completed his Ph.D. in economics the next year at the University of Michigan.

Right, so he’s a guy who took advantage of the KC Fed’s generous continuing education program. It was either a Ph.D. in economics or a correspondence course in medical transcription, and while medical transcription is an exciting field with unlimited growth potential that allows you to work and home and set your own schedule, it was probably the decent thing to do to take the economics track if the company was paying his tuition.

Before joining the Fed board, Mr. Kohn was adviser to the board for monetary policy in 2001 and 2002; director of the division of monetary affairs, from 1987 to 2001; and deputy staff director for monetary and financial policy, 1983 to 1987.

He previously served the Federal Reserve’s division of research and statistics as associate director, 1981 to 1983; chief of capital markets, 1978 to 1981; and staff economist, 1975 to 1978. He was a financial economist in the Kansas City Fed from 1970 to 1975.

Isn’t that something? Forty years of kissing ass, fetching coffee, walking dogs and whatever else a “staff economist” does in the Federal Reserve system, all to reach the top (or right next to the top; you don’t want to reach the top because that’s nothing but a hassle) and only stay there for four years. Now he’s 67, and there is no way his aging fingers are going to be able to keep up with the new breed of snot-nosed punks that have taken over the medical transcription game. I really don’t know what he’s going to do with himself.

Before you go burning up your keyboards updating your resumés, keep in mind that the most awesome job* in finance may become a little less awesome as Congress might or might not** pass a regulatory reform bill that would strip some of the Fed’s powers from it, which means that as a newly-named governor you might find yourself fetching coffee for the Deputy Secretary of the Treasury or sweeping up Ben’s beard trimmins.

Still-interested parties should send letters of interest, a 200-word essay on why you should be a governor, a notarized copy of your Barista Certification, and three (3) tastefully-lit nude photographs to:

United States Federal Reserve
20th Street Northwest & C Sts NW
Washington, DC 20551

*Not even close to most awesome.
**Who are we kidding, totally will not .

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