Having plowed his way through CNBC (rumor has it Larry Kudlow was the lone holdout, the prude), human sex machine Charlie Gasparino is leaving the hallowed halls of that network to take the many cherries at rival Fox Business Network.

The well-known and volatile Mr. Gasparino, who played a pivotal role in CNBC’s coverage of the financial crisis in 2008, will be a senior correspondent for Fox Business, appearing on a range of programs, the network said in a statement.

Translation: we didn’t want to bump Don Imus, so he doesn’t get his own show.

In the competitive world of TV business news, Mr. Gasparino is one of a handful of on-camera correspondents who regularly break market news.

Translation: everyone left at CNBC is completely worthless.

Good luck, Chaz. We’ll see you again when you’re on a network people actually watch.