First, it’s crop report nightmare part deux (the first wave of cold weather to go through FL this month didn’t do much damage, check out my Trading Places nod if you didn’t catch it). Expect a hot mess tomorrow in the futures market if temperatures in Florida dip below 28 degrees for longer than a couple hours tonight (and they’re forecasted to be below that in Central and North Florida for more like six to eight hours):

The worst of the weather, though, was forecast to hit Sunday night into Monday, leading orange-juice traders to expect another wild session when trading resumes at 8 a.m. Eastern time Monday in New York on ICE Futures U.S.

If a hard freeze hits the bulk of the crop, “the trade’s probably going to keep a lot of the [weather] premium,” said Mike Zuzolo, commodity analyst and president of Global Commodity Analytics & Consulting LLC in Lafayette, Ind.

With a hard freeze, the most-active March frozen concentrated orange-juice contract could very likely hit the exchange-imposed maximum, which is known as limit-up, says Mr. Zuzulo.

I have like 1o or 15 oranges in my fridge right now. Maybe I can sell them cash4gold style sometime soon.

We understand that convicts in Florida have been recruited to pick some of  the fruit ASAP, with prisoners picking oranges on University of Florida property, and subsequently, the oranges showing up on their plates now at every meal. Sounds like less fruit will be hitting the open market regardless if these guys are chowing down on it, but at least we know there won’t be any scurvy in the Florida inmate population this year.

And also, on a more random note, iguanas are falling from the sky as well:

If you can’t see the video, here’s the basic mechanism:

When temperatures plunge into the 30s, iguanas become catatonic, falling from trees and littering walkways in a state of suspended animation. When the weather warms, they reanimate, although sometimes worse for wear.

If you spot a catatonic iguana, you are advised to, should you be so compelled as to intervene, warm up a towel in your dryer, wrap the iguana in the towel and let him live in your bathroom a couple days until it warms up out there.

If you’re wondering what this has to do with the stock market, well – I just wish it was that easy to fix a catatonic bank. (I’d even let the Bandit borrow my zebra-print Snuggie, you know, for the greater good.)