Since it’s an award that I made up two minutes ago, I figure I can award it to whomever I darn well please. So this month’s Man of the Year award goes to accused Perot Systems insider trader Reza Saleh.

By now you’ve all heard that Dell agreed to purchase services provider Perot Systems for just under $4b in cash and collectible stamps, and that a Perot Systems employee, Mr. Saleh, has been accused of insider trading (in record time, I might add) by the SEC because he made more money than would seem unsuspicious. We here at LOLFed did not care about these allegations, because they were for a relative pittance ($8.6m, like you can even buy bread for that nowadays) and because it did not involve organized adultery. Let’s face it, if you want to get noticed in this world, you’ve either got to steal big or cheat hard. Buying up some options when your company is in talks to be bought out, and then selling them on the day the deal is announced, just isn’t going to cut it.

Even this being literally the most open-and-shut insider trading case possible isn’t enough – according to the WSJ link, not only did he try withdrawing sixty grand from his brokerage account the day he struck it rich, he told one of Perot Systems’ board directors that he just made bank based on insider knowledge. A tip for the future, buddy: full disclosure is not always the best policy.

No, what drew our attention was that, thirty years ago, Mr. Saleh went all commando to rescue a couple of co-workers.

“It would not have happened without him,” said Ralph Boulware, a former employee of Electronic Data Systems, Mr. Perot’s company at the time, who was part of the rescue team assembled by the Texas billionaire.

Mr. Boulware said Mr. Saleh, an Iranian employee of EDS at the time, led the mob that broke into the prison where the two EDS employees were being held, then helped shepherd them on a harrowing trip through Iran to escape over the Turkish border.

Yes, he did those things. You can learn more about them in the 1986 TV miniseries On Wings Of Eagles, or the 1983 book by the same name if you’re a Luddite who still reads, from books. From covert paramilitary operations to insider trading, there is not a single thing this man cannot do. I am pretty sure this meets the requirements for being an utter badass.

With this in mind, it can be argued that he did not illicitly obtain that eight million in change – he liberated them from the confines of the market and helped it cross hostile territory to the safety of his bank account. If nothing else maybe Mary Schapiro should be more careful in who the SEC targets for investigations. Seriously. This guy can eff you up. I’m not saying anything, but if he can roll up into an Iranian prison, breaking into your house in the middle of the night is no problem at all.