…and this mask (horns, optional). Or you could just use one of his checks, stolen from his wife’s purse:

No one is safe from identity theft, not even the chairman of the Federal Reserve.

Ben Bernanke’s personal cheque account became entangled in an elaborate identity-theft scheme after his wife Anna’s purse was stolen last August at a Capitol Hill Starbucks.

According to a District of Columbia police report, it contained her Social Security card, cheque book, credit cards and IDs. It’s not been revealed how much money was stolen from the Bernankes’ account. But someone started cashing cheques on their bank account just days after the purse was stolen from her chair. The thefts helped fuel an ongoing investigation into a sophisticated ring.

(PSA: Carrying a Social Security card on you unless you have a very specific use for it planned for that day, like filling out employment paperwork or jimmying a lock into which only a Social Security card will fit – do not do that, okay. Please.)

Not that we think anyone deserves to be a victim of identity theft – but OMG TEH IRONY that while Ben’s been busy writing checks in all of our names, someone was writing some in his, too. Also, as Jr. Deputy Accountant pointed out, the ringleader of the heist is nicknamed “Big Head.” To which we also will just say, you know, ha ha.