Sears reported today. Surprise! Visible losses! Nowhere to be seen were the record profits from the groundbreaking “MyGofer” warehouse/showroom concept that LOLFed was so counting on to be The Next Big Thing (I will pour another one out on my stoop for SHLD as well). No, this is more like what we’d expect when we’re not being sarcastic, as SHLD’s profits in the good old days came more from Eddie playing hedge fund with his spare cash than from merchandise flying off the shelves at any of his stores. Here’s how it broke down:

[Sears] reported a surprise loss for the second quarter, as sales slumped at its Sears and Kmart stores. The firm posted a loss of $94 million, or 79 cents a share, on revenues of $10.5 billion, down from $11.7 billion a year ago. Analysts had been expecting a profit of 31 cents a share on revenues of $10.7 billion. The company also said same-store sales fell 8.6% overall, including a 12.5% decline at Sears stores. The culprits: lower clothing sales and categories hit hard by the slumping housing market, such as kitchen appliances and building tools.

Eddie’s being rewarded with an 11% decline in the stock today, not surprising. The thing in this report that piqued my interest though: appliances!

Why? Well, it sounds like comin’ down the pike is a “Cash For Clunkers” bill for the appliance industry (and while this was probably created as a tailored-to-Michigan bill – Benton Harbor appliance factories represent! – the retail spillover will not surprisingly be significant):

Appliance manufacturers are counting on a ‘cash for clunkers’-type rebate program to revive slumping sales of refrigerators, washing machines and dishwashers.

“It’s a good way for the consumer to get back into the marketplace,” said J.B. Hoyt, director of governmental relations for Whirlpool Corp. (WHR), the world’s largest producer of household appliances by revenue. “Clearly, anything that boosts business is good for us.”

Whirlpool has been pushing for such a program for years. The 2005 energy bill included an authorization for $300 million over six years for energy-efficiency rebates on appliances. That authorization was never funded, but in the 2009 stimulus bill, the entire $300 million was authorized.

The jist of it: you could get up to $200-300 back from the feds per appliance for purchasing energy-efficient, Energy Star-certified household appliances. Great news if you actually build these things for a living, not bad news if you’re scavenging for distressed property as it seems the appliances in most homes for sale these days have all mysteriously evaporated, and, yes, good news if you’re Crazy Eddie, and you’d like to wheel and deal a few Kenmores. That’ll help SHLD beat the heat for sure:

Psst: No position in stocks mentioned.