Consider the sad plight of one Edward Kelly, Ned to his friends (and to me, because). Ned was once briefly the CFO of Citigroup, which was once a respectable independent bank. As we may have mentioned once or twice, Citi came upon hard times in the past few years, leading to a 1/3rd takeover by the federal government to keep it alive, which is sort of like drinking unicorn blood in Harry Potter: it keeps you alive, but it’s a half-life, a cursed life.

As the CFO, Ned was sort of the go-to person whent he company had problems of the financial sort. And by go-to I mean scapegoat. Back in July when Ned abruptly changed jobs to vice chairman, everyone sort of assumed it was just part of some shuffling at the top that Citi was undergoing at the time. Turns out, maybe not (from Financial Times):

The document – parts of which have been seen by the Financial Times – will confirm investors’ belief that the replacement of Ned Kelly by Citi veteran John Gerspach in July after fewer than four months in the job had been triggered by regulators. It also emphasises the extent of the authorities’ involvement in the internal workings of Citi, which recently ceded a 34 per cent stake to the government.

And all this time I’ve been all grouchy because I co-own a third of a major corporation and I can’t make heads roll. Boy was I wrong! Says the document:

“Citigroup will initiate a process that will result in a decision on (a) whether the CFO for Citigroup…can be more effectively utilised in other Citigroup responsibilities,” the agreement states. “And (b) if so, on replacements by a person…with relevant financial, accounting or other experience acceptable to the agencies, with the results publicly announced by…publication of Citigroup’s third quarter 2009 earnings [in October].”

In other words, Citi was looking to replace its CFO with someone with more of a banking background. While he has such noteworthies as PNC and JP Morgan Chase, where he managed investment departments,  on his resume, Kelly is a lawyer. Also, for you Michael Moore conspiracy fans, prior to Citigroup, Kelly was a managing director at The Carlyle Group.

Anyway, Kelly got wind of the agreement and supposedly tendered his resignation on the spot – because if you found out your company had made an agreement like that specific to your job, wouldn’t you figure the writing was on the wall and GTFO before you got THE BOOT? Citi was all, “Aw c’mon baby, I didn’t mean for you find out that way, come back inside and I’ll take you out for dinner at your favorite restaurant,” and offered him the vice chairman position to keep him in the fold and, one assumes, to keep him quiet.

And yet, the Bandit still has a job.