If you’re like me (and who isn’t?), you really hate waiting in those long security lines at the airport even when you’d rather not be going where you’re going. Stupid TSA with their rules and screening and whatnot. So you, like me, might have been excited when the Registered Traveler (RT) program was announced, which would let travelers be pre-screened for a fee by a company such as Verified Identity Pass with their Clear program, and just flash their card at the airport which announces that they are Clear (also, this seemed to work at Scientology centers) and lets them go through the same security screening procedures in a different, hopefully shorter, line.
A number of companies sprang up to get on this because, hey, who wouldn’t want to do this. Verified Identity Pass was doing so well, in fact, that they abruptly killed their service last night and have pretty well closed up shop altogether. The culprit? Surprisingly enough, not terrorists. The company had just used up all its available credit and was unable to find anyone else to give it more. The company’s site has been scrubbed in record time, and addresses former customers’ two most pressing questions.
Will you take all of the extremely sensitive and personal information you have about me, and sell it to Russian identity theft rings?
No, we are going to delete it, eventually. Until then, please try to forget the incident last year where a laptop with such data on 33,000 of our customers was lost and then found three weeks later in the same room where it was last seen. Totally not going to do that again.Can I has my money back?
Ha ha, of course not, we don’t have your money anymore. Did you not notice that we shut down because we ran out of money? In fact, we actually spent your 2009 subscription fee to pay the guy to change our website to this page. Isn’t that hilarious?
So for the roughly 170,000 ex-customers of Clear, get back in line with the rest of us and our bare feet, screaming babies, confused old people with their contraband water bottles, and dead-eyed shuffles onward to our beeping oblivions. You’re not special anymore.
Renee // Jun 23, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I think the company should come back and become no-clear.
alyx // Jun 23, 2009 at 2:12 pm
One of my favorite hobbies while killing time in line at the airport was hating on the guys in the Clear line as they just breezed thru.
Recession, how dare you deprive me of my class-warfare-esque angst?
Jason // Jun 23, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I used to fly out of Atlanta a lot. There, if you’re holding a business- or first-class ticket, you get your own security line anyway and there’s no need for Clear in the first place.
So you can still hate on those people.
Ian // Jun 23, 2009 at 2:30 pm
A couple of the airports have switched from the usual “did you pay too much for your ticket” express line to another addition. Three lines of “noob,” “family,” and “ninja.”
Naturally no one pays any attention and there’s a bunch of tards in the expert line, but it’s an interesting idea.
LoLo,Esq. // Jun 24, 2009 at 8:18 am
*pours a little liquid out of a 3oz container for the demise of Clear*