LoLo, Esq. sent me a text the other day about Plies’ “Plenty Money”, a hip-hop track that came out earlier this year. She said I had to look it up, that it reminded her of Jamie Dimon.

I’ve taken the liberty of rewriting a bit of it with him in mind:

I like my stocks hood, but all my bonds foreign
Just bought another thrift, the last one was boring
Ten-thousand CDOs, it feel like you tourin’
Congressmen dissin’ me, it really ain’t important
Show me your balance sheet, I bet yo losses showin’
You banks starvin’, my money over-flowin’
Tradin’ game sick, got the Journal adorin’
Catch me in the club wit’ all the ‘gnac pourin’
If I go back to Avra, I’ma have plenty stories
Sleep real good, ’cause I ain’t got no worries
Stay fresh everyday, holdings stay glowin’
I got plenty money and all you banks knowin’

Next month, guess what, I’m buyin’ NASA
‘Cause I’m startin’ to feel sorry for you lil’ bastards
I’m pretty hot, yo career a disaster
I control you bankaz, somethin’ like yo master
Few bil’ on the sidelines, gunnin’ SPY to close bettah
Stay from ’round me if you don’t like to smell cheddar
I ain’t tradin’ wit Bandit ’cause he a disaster
Wanna know who I’m f***in’, Ben Bernanke, I just married ‘er
She been good to me, I might 5-karat ‘er
Ran me out the TARP, I paid too many bonuses
Count so much money, ain’t no guvmint gon’ own us

Change the old sayin’, “don’ hate the game or the playa”

What’s in my pocket, dawg, big face hundreds
Just left the TALF, bought everything that I wanted
I kinda mad wit’ you haters, I’m real disappointed
‘Cause tell the shareholdaz, that I got plenty money
(Okay) I got plenty money, I got plenty money
(Okay) I got plenty money, I got plenty money
(Okay) I got plenty money, I got plenty money
(Okay) I got plenty money, I got plenty money
(Okay)

Full song is here, and it is hilarious. I can’t find an actual video; if there is one, somebody let me know (and please don’t make it your ringtone unless you ARE Jamie Dimon):