Some months ago, CNBC talking head and known psychopath Jim Cramer appeared on the little-known news & comedy variety show The Daily Show where he was brutally beaten and inappropriately touched by that bully Jon Stewart, who savagely attacked Cramer and his network using facts and video clips, for lulz. You may have heard about it. Cramer was, of course, shocked that his show (where he encourages individuals who know so little about investing that they call a TV show to ask questions to enter a market where even seasoned professionals – such as the type Cramer used to be before donning the big red clown nose – feared to tread), was being called into question and held up for public mockery. So shocked that he could do nothing but sit there and humbly agree with everything that was said to him, even offering that he and his network would do more in the future to be “journalists” instead of “lemmings not only following Wall Street but actively cheering on everything it did, remarking on its fine form and pointed toes as it marched off the cliff”.
Now of course that never happened, and was never going to, because CNBC was never staffed with journalists. CNBC is more akin to ESPN, where every personality is the most ridiculous fanboy in the world and you’re kind of embarrassed for them for acting the way they do in front of their idols. But Cramer has now taken it one step further than reneging on an empty promise: he has now called out Jon Stewart.
Now when I say he called him out, I don’t mean actually called him out, because come on. What happened instead is the first recorded offline manifestation of “Internet Tough Guy Syndrome” where now Cramer is acting all bad, like he wanted to go all Geraldo on Stewart and hit him in the face with a chair but only his inner Bruce Banner kept that in check.
“I tried not to take it personally, but it was so vicious,” Cramer tells Time magazine, out tomorrow. “The ultimate takeaway from the evening was, Jim, why didn’t you defend yourself? And the answer is, I was trying to defend our network and take a high road and I didn’t want to hit him with a chair or break his face or something like that. But he was very vicious. One day he’ll answer for it.”
You hear that, Jon? Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and probably not at any time after that either, but you’re going to answer for doing the job that literally no other person in media was willing and able to do. Jim has rolled up his sleeves and he is prepared to carry on this bitchfight for as long as it takes for him to claim some minor victory that he will not shut up about until the heat death of the universe. Jim’s got his beady eyes on you.