An apology to Allen Stanford.  We thought you were just a common Ponzi scammer with your Madoff-inspired offshore-CD-that-paid-way-too-much-interest.  We mocked you, might have questioned your heritage, definitely snickered about your moustache (Tom Selleck you are not, sir!).  But we didn’t know!  We had no idea that you were a REAL AMERICAN HERO.

Originally, I did mention something about the possibility of Stanford helping Mexico’s Gulf drug cartel launder its money based on the PURELY circumstantial evidence of some checks, connected to the cartel, having been found on Stanford’s private plane.  Stanford later denied such things, he was just holding those checks for a friend, or something. Whatever. As it happens, he actually has been helping the cartels launder their money. So why isn’t he in federal prison being someone’s girlfriend right now? Because he is a secret Narc. Yes, really.  This is not some Tubbs & Crockett costume party, he has totally been informing for the DEA on his, er, business partners in Colombia, Mexico, Venezuela, and Ecuador.

So now we understand why he’s not in jail for fraud, why he’s not in jail for the money-laundering, and why he feels perfectly free to get on TV every chance he gets and yap. Of course, now that this has gotten out, jail might well be the least of his worries when compared to a Scarface-style raid on his home.