Here at LOLFed, somewhat like an actual news source, we may from time to time prepare images well in advance of some expected news. You would not believe the cache of CEO-gets-fired pictures we have at the ready. We have CEO-gets-fired pictures ready for people who are still working on their MBAs. I had the above prepped for some time, and I kept changing it around every hour yesterday depending on the latest news of Chrysler’s future and this morning I figured, screw it, I’ll post both images AT THE SAME TIME. I bet WSJ never did that.
So! The plan was to have Chrysler’s many, many creditors to forgive 67 cents on the dollar of all the company’s debt in exchange for equity so it could avoid filing Chapter 11. Well! Someone forgot to tell the 40 hedge funds that hold 30% of the company’s debt, who are all up in arms about losing 67 cents on the dollar – or are just acting all butthurt about Chrysler getting a bailout when other companies did not:
“It’s very hard for me to deal with this,” says the younger Mr. Gwin, a 41-year-old father of three. “As horrible as the situation looks for Chrysler’s employees, I keep thinking about how horrible my own family felt when Delta was going to file for bankruptcy and my father’s pension was going to take a hit. No task force or the federal government came to his aid then.“
Now, look. I’m not going to judge someone for being for or against government bailouts because they’re a waste of taxpayer dollars or are a necessary crutch for an industry that affects millions. That’s everyone’s own private business. But I am pretty sure the correct reason for helping to hold up a bargain that would save the pensions and healthcare plans of tens of thousands of people is not, “THEY SHALL SUFFER AS WE SUFFERED,” otherwise known as the Code of Hammurabi.
So there’s that. But Chrysler has until 11:59 PM tonight to put something together, so if they can get Jack Bauer to kidnap the principals of the holdouts and, I don’t know, shock their nipples or whatever he does, then the Treasury-backed plan can go through. Michigan’s governor has even gotten in on the act, cold calling out the hedge funds and saying it is all their fault if Chrysler fails (not entirely true, but we love a scapegoat):
“On behalf of Michigan, on behalf of the thousands of people who will be affected if this company is forced into bankruptcy, I am publicly asking these hedge funds to not be greedy but to do what the banks have done and what everyone else around the table has done — take the concessions,” [Governor Granholm] said.
And just to give you an idea of how fluid this whole thing is, since I started writing this twenty minutes ago (what, my attention span sucks), White House aides are saying on the down-low that Chrysler is filing Chapter 11 this morning. I’m not changing the image up there, though.
alyx // Apr 30, 2009 at 9:52 am
OMG first animated LOLFed?
Jason // Apr 30, 2009 at 9:53 am
I almost made this in Flash with fancy rollover effects. But I already had Photoshop open, and you know how lazy I am.
Bill // Apr 30, 2009 at 10:03 am
Animated gifs! Sorcery!
One of the first cars I ever drove was a Dodge Daytona. Excuse me for a second while I reminisce… oh yeah, it was a piece of crap.
Tony // Apr 30, 2009 at 10:10 am
LOL I remember my Dodge Shadow. Gremlins in the electrical system, the water pump loved to die, the rearview mirror kept falling off of the windshield, the shocks were SHOT…
It had NO redeeming features, save one… there was no less than 18 inches of space around EVERYTHING under the hood. Changing anything on it was a matter of removing that one part, and replacing it with the new part. Eazy peazy.
Contrast with some newer cars I’ve seen, where you have to remove the radiator to change the oil filter.
alyx // Apr 30, 2009 at 10:36 am
I think the first guy I dated had a Dodge Daytona. No fond memories there of any sort.
I’ve heard from readers that Flash is blocked at a lot of institutions. I have access to it on my work machine, but have avoided it for that reason. No, actually, I’ve avoided it because I can barely function in Photoshop as is, but it sounds nicer to say I’m being understanding of our work-based audience.
Jason // Apr 30, 2009 at 11:08 am
My first car was a 1988 Chrysler LeBaron. You’ll note that this was in 1998, following ten years in which every conceivable thing on the car had broken and had either been replaced or not, whatever the bare minimum to keep it running. For example, did you know that a turbocharged car will still run when the turbocharger is disconnected? I think that car lasted a solid three months before it started burning through solenoids faster than I burned through weed in my younger years, and today it remains parked under a tree at my parent’s house, and there it will likely remain until the tree eats it.
wild // Apr 30, 2009 at 11:54 am
ROFL…’acting all butthurt’
wild;)
Mr Danger // Apr 30, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Of course the Hedge Funds only lost 67 cents on the dollar if they bought at par, which none of them did.
lavacake // Apr 30, 2009 at 6:28 pm
My first american car was an Eagle Talon; after about a year the timing belt broke and the engine had to be rebuilt. I complained and a Chrysler rep told me too bad and that it was part of owning a car. A year later they had a recall for that exact issue. I told myself I would never buy another Chrysler ever because that rep pissed me off.