Here at LOLFed, from time to time, we like to point a gnarled finger of blame at those in industry and government whom we feel are at least partially responsible for our current state of affairs. We have done so without regard to race, ethnicity, political party, gender, collegiate affiliation, or employer. As it happens, this has been a mistake. At least, according to Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva.
“This crisis was caused by the irrational behavior of white people with blue eyes, who thought they knew everything and now show they know nothing,” Lula da Silva said after a meeting with the UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown in the country’s capital of Brasilia.
When challenged about his claims, Lula said: “I only record what I see in the press. I am not acquainted with a single black banker,” according the Guardian newspaper.
After some exhaustive research this morning into the matter (read: Google Image Search), I have compiled a list of the financial movers and shakers who fit Lula’s description and are therefore worthy of our scorn.
- Jimmy Cayne
- Jamie Dimon
- Ken Lewis
- Hank Paulson
And that’s it. Paulson’s eyes may actually be grey; I discovered that if I looked directly into them for too long I began to turn to stone so I had to give it a quick glance and guess. Of those we so heartily mock, those four are the only persons that deserve it. Alan Greenspan? Brown eyes. Geithner? Same. Bandit? Indian. Johns Stumpf, Mack, and Thain? Brown. Ben Bernanke’s eyes are seedy black little things, devoid both of color and of emotion. If eyes are the windows to the soul, the lights were long ago turned off in Ben’s. Barney Frank? Brown. Chris Dodd? Can’t tell, for he is a squinty fellow. Chris Cox? Brown as well. Dick Fuld? I’d like to think he is sporting two black eyes. Angelo Mozilo? His eyes are actually spray-tan orange.
So there you have it. From now on, if anything goes wrong economy-wise, you’d better believe we will be right on top of it, figuring out how to blame one of those four men. Actually, we would never blame Jamie Dimon for anything, because we’re kind of afraid of him.