Mea Culpa

March 27th, 2009 by Jason · 9 Comments · bandit, bernanke, greenspan, hank paulson, jamie dimon, Timmay

blueeyedfinancialbandit

Here at LOLFed, from time to time, we like to point a gnarled finger of blame at those in industry and government whom we feel are at least partially responsible for our current state of affairs. We have done so without regard to race, ethnicity, political party, gender, collegiate affiliation, or employer. As it happens, this has been a mistake.  At least, according to Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva.

 

“This crisis was caused by the irrational behavior of white people with blue eyes, who thought they knew everything and now show they know nothing,” Lula da Silva said after a meeting with the UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown in the country’s capital of Brasilia. 

[...] 

When challenged about his claims, Lula said: “I only record what I see in the press. I am not acquainted with a single black banker,” according the Guardian newspaper.

After some exhaustive research this morning into the matter (read: Google Image Search), I have compiled a list of the financial movers and shakers who fit Lula’s description and are therefore worthy of our scorn.

  • Jimmy Cayne
  • Jamie Dimon
  • Ken Lewis
  • Hank Paulson

And that’s it.  Paulson’s eyes may actually be grey; I discovered that if I looked directly into them for too long I began to turn to stone so I had to give it a quick glance and guess. Of those we so heartily mock, those four are the only persons that deserve it. Alan Greenspan? Brown eyes. Geithner? Same. Bandit? Indian. Johns Stumpf, Mack, and Thain? Brown. Ben Bernanke’s eyes are seedy black little things, devoid both of color and of emotion. If eyes are the windows to the soul, the lights were long ago turned off in Ben’s. Barney Frank? Brown. Chris Dodd? Can’t tell, for he is a squinty fellow. Chris Cox? Brown as well. Dick Fuld? I’d like to think he is sporting two black eyes. Angelo Mozilo? His eyes are actually spray-tan orange.

So there you have it. From now on, if anything goes wrong economy-wise, you’d better believe we will be right on top of it, figuring out how to blame one of those four men. Actually, we would never blame Jamie Dimon for anything, because we’re kind of afraid of him.

9 Comments so far ↓

  • Fartles

    Wow, that’s fairly insane for a Friday morning. Perhaps something was lost in translation or da Silva doesn’t have the firmest grasp on English…

  • Jason

    I kind of hope he meant it. Not because I think he’s right (after all, my dear wife is responsible for this mess, according to him) but because it’s nice to hear a new take on how we got here. I’m kind of over CDOs and CDSs and subprime.

  • alyx

    I was afraid of Jamie Dimon before he got all emo about things.

  • BlueMonkey

    I have green eyes – where does that put me in the big scheme of fail blame?

  • TonyS

    I have blue eyes, and had blonde hair when I was little… am I retroactively to blame for economy-ruining that I did when I was 1? And if so, what’s the statute of limitations on that sort of thing?

  • RobT

    So our banks are run by the Third Reich? No wonder we’re up shit creek.

  • alyx

    It’s a refreshing change from blame-the-Jews rhetoric, if nothing else.

  • Mr Danger

    What about Stan O’Neal?

  • Jason

    I figure if he had to grow up in Alabama, he has suffered enough in life without my piling it on.

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