The real victim in the all-but-official nationalization of Citi this morning is not our beloved Bandit, as you might expect. He gets to keep on with his unique and charming brand of banditry for the forseeable future.  No, the man who deserves your pity is none other than Prince Alwaleed.  

Prince Alwaleed used to be the only man on earth more baller than Prince.  As the largest individual shareholder of C, he could, and did, pick up the phone and speak to Citi’s CEO and tell him how it was going to be.  He would instruct Chuck Prince to insert secret code words in his television interviews and Congressional hearings, just because he could.  He bought an Airbus and turned it into a flying sovereign nation which has not touched the ground in the last two years.  He acquired the Ark of the Covenant a few years ago, looked into it, and his face did not melt off.  He owns a 75% stake in Chuck Norris’ beard.  But now?  He’s just another nobody.

Now you, I, and any American citizen will receive a special bright red hotline phone to Vikram’s office, which in the past only Prince Alwaleed had.  We all are invited to the secret meetings of the Seven Multicultural Bankers who control the world (not all Jewish, as it happens).  And Prince Alawaleed, who frequently responded to reports that C had slid another few dollars with a hearty “Whatever, whatever, I bought mine at 2!” has now lost money on his original 1991 investment in the company, as the stock is now trading (as of 10 this morning) below $1.75, and that’s just the trader reaction to the news; once the government’s preferred shares are converted, existing common stock may be diluted by up to 75%.  I would give you a more exact number, but math is hard.

The good news is that Citi’s board is all but certain to get the boot, so there might be a seat there for the saddest prince, yet.