GM broke things off with Saab this morning, saying, “It’s not you, it’s me. Seriously, it’s me. It’s me like you would not believe.” Saab immediately showed its gratitude by filing for Sweden’s version of Chapter 11, which is a lot like ours except with more lutefisk and it includes free Greatest Hits CDs from Roxette and Ace of Base. Not that Saab is doing poorly, mind you, they just need a few weeks without nobody harassin’ them so they can their stuff in order. They’ve got big plans:
Unmoored from its parent, Saab went to a Swedish court for protection from its creditors, and said the company would — with assistance from the Swedish government — reorganize to pave the way for private investors to buy all or part of the company.
But don’t get Sweden wrong, they are not in the business of just handing out money. A spokesman for Sweden’s industry ministry said that support would not be in the form of money, which leads to the question, what kind of support is the Swedish government offering? A shoulder to cry on for those late nights when Saab gets all weepy over being dumped by GM even though Saab was way too good for GM and everybody who knew Saab knew it? A couch to crash on for a few days until Saab can get back on its feet again? Will Sweden let Saab borrow its truck so it can go over to GM’s place one day and get the rest of its stuff back?
But you know what, Saab is going to be just fine on its own. In fact, Saab is glad GM dumped it. Now Saab is free to do all the things it wants to do instead of sitting around GM’s apartment on Friday nights watching GM play Call of Duty because GM didn’t have enough money to take them out somewhere nice like Olive Garden. Saab already has three new models launching in the next eighteen months and a huge circle of yuppies that will be there for it no matter what. Chin up, Saab. Today is a brand new day.
Clay // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:32 am
Greatest Hits CDs from Roxette and Ace of Base, eh? I must be really old. I was hoping for the Greatest Hits CDs from ABBA. Remember them?
Jason // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:33 am
I understand it is a federal law over there for all citizens to own a copy of ABBA’s Greatest Hits anyway so there is no point giving away another copy.
Lolo, ESQ // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:33 am
BORK BORK BORK
Clay // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:37 am
I just thought Sweden, like others in Scandinavia, would feel the need to share the wealth with other nations. And by wealth, I mean ABBA CDs.
Jason // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:53 am
I think ABBA CDs are used as currency in Sweden. Five copies of The Album are equal to one copy of Arrival. Ten Arrivals can be exchanged for one Greatest Hits. One thousand Greatest Hits has the same value as one copy of ABBA, and one hundred copies of ABBA are equivalent to a single lock of Bjorn’s hair.
RobT // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:58 am
and ten hotdogs are worth, roughly, a nickle.
you with me norm?
Jason // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:58 am
Anybody got a nickel? I could go for some hot dogs right about now.
jesse // Feb 20, 2009 at 10:59 am
It’s worse for Saab. GM was the boyfriend that kept on taking. She loaned him money that he said he’d repay. She lent him her TV, cookware, and furniture. Now with the breakup all those things are ruined, smelling of beer, BO, and curry.
Sure Saab may succeed but I wonder will she move in with another guy that woos her with sweet nothings and makes her feel special, or will she move back with mom and dad? I wonder how long will she be able to take those awkward dinnertime conversations?
Tony // Feb 20, 2009 at 11:02 am
God I miss my ’92 Saab. That sucker got 46 MPG on the highway, and it had an engine and transmission that simply refused to die, even after the 250K mile beating it had been put through.
… and then, having been presented with such a work of art, GM decided to buy the company, trash all the good design, and start lightly modifying pontiac chassis to make the new “Saabs”.
May a special place in hell be reserved for GM.