Meet Linda Thomsen. When she woke up this morning, she was the SEC’s top enforcer, a position which has so little in common with Luca Brasi that it ought be named something else. When she goes to bed tonight, she will be the SEC’s top scapegoat in the recent Madoff unpleasantness, except she won’t actually be employed by the SEC anymore. Seems fair enough, considering the level of actual enforcing the bureau did re: Bernie. Now every single person who sat around and did nothing while this guy lost billions upon billions of investor dollars has been punished, and life can go on.
Normally I won’t go so far as to mock a person’s looks, since their failure often provides plenty of fodder and because DC is Hollywood for ugly people so it’s kind of unfair, but go look for a picture of Linda Thomsen. She does not look like the same person in any two of them. It’s almost Seinfeldian.
Former US Attorney Robert Khuzami is rumored to be her replacement, but the SEC will not be announcing until Friday. This means that if you had any last-minute Ponzi schemes to unveil, the SEC will be without its #1 enforcer until then, so regulation will be as lax as it has been for the past few years.
Oh, and speaking of Bernie, the SEC reached a deal with him where they won’t go after him if he pays some serious fines and pays his investors back at least some of their money, which would be awesome if that were ever going to happen.
Edit: Just to clarify, the settlement with the SEC is that he won’t have to admit guilt and the SEC won’t pursue anything. His assets will remain frozen, he’s not supposed to violate any more securities laws (I thought you weren’t supposed to do that anyway) and doesn’t lay out the amounts of any fines or repayments yet. The Justice Department still has their securities fraud charge against Madoff, so as of right now they’re still going to get their pound of flesh.
Feels kind of funny actually making edits openly rather than just changing something around and hoping no one notices. This “journalistic integrity” business is for the birds.
NutellaonToast // Feb 9, 2009 at 3:27 pm
You’re fucking kidding, right? They’re NOT going after Bernie? Can we please start rioting now?
Jason // Feb 9, 2009 at 3:49 pm
He’s facing charges above beyond the SEC, so he’s not off the hook by any means.
'mouse // Feb 9, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Actually, Bernie has not even been indicted yet. Want to start a betting pool? My money is on a couple charges of something which carries 30 years — reduced by the plea to 10 years at Camp Cupcake… which is 3 years for good behavior. And they don’t touch or look for anything offshore or in his wife, kids and relatives’ names.
良心嘿咻咻 » Blog Archive » WSJ: Robert Khuzami Has Accepted SEC Enforcement Director Position // Feb 9, 2009 at 4:58 pm
[...] had any last-minute Ponzi schemes to unveil, the SEC will be without its #1 enforcer until then, Read More||| Mary Schapiro, announced she was going to %26quot;clean house.%26quot; (See The Daily Deal story [...]
Jason // Feb 9, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Bernie’s much too big a catch NOT to make an example of. While I don’t expect he’ll get the 20 year max sentence (and what would be the point anyway, he doesn’t have 20 years left on his ticker) I do expect him to get a decent sentence.
As for his assets, I don’t think we even have an idea how much he has and where, so who knows what’s going to be seized and what isn’t. Full restitution is out of the question, but 10-15 cents on the dollar doesn’t seem unreasonable.
shazbot // Feb 9, 2009 at 10:50 pm
“Seinfeldian” — Classic.
lavacake // Feb 9, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Must be nice to pull off a multi billion dollar heist and still be able to play “Let’s make a deal” with the feds. If it was a lowly commoner the feds would have seized all their assets without telling anyone.
CB // Feb 10, 2009 at 6:41 am
2 true lavacake.
Jason // Feb 10, 2009 at 7:35 am
I think the lesson to be learned here, if there is one, is that if you do screw up, screw up so badly, in such an epic fashion, that the only possible response to your misdeed is a tip of the hat and a hearty “Well done!”
Tony // Feb 10, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I… am in awe. There are no words which seem adequate to express the utter fail with which this nation handles its money these days. It makes my own personal spending habits look good by comparison, and that… is a truly frightening thought.
LOLFed » Fight This, Like A Man // Mar 6, 2009 at 12:12 pm
[...] good news for Bernie, he looks set to cop a plea bargain with federal prosecutors (Madoff already made a deal with the SEC). No details of any potential bargain have been released, but so far he will have to plead guilty [...]