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Two True Hustlers

January 7th, 2009 by Jason · 25 Comments · bailout

tarpsgonewild

We were actually kidding all those times we suggested everyone should go to Washington and beg for bailout money.  Unfortunately, sarcasm is quite beyond Hustler’s Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild’s Joe Francis, who are doing just that.  God willing, this will be the last time this blog ever links to TMZ.

The two of them are hitting up the new Congress for $5b in bailout money for the adult industry.  Francis in particular has apparently found it quite expensive to visit college parties and trade drunken coeds a string of shiny beads and a waiver form for a brief glimpse of nipple or, if he is especially lucky, momentary lapses of heterosexuality.  

The Wheeled Wonder and his erstwhile sidekick, Kid Statutory, – the Brothers Trimm, if you will – claim that the industry is just as deserving of a bailout as America’s OTHER biggest industry, automaking, citing a 22% decrease in adult DVD sales.  Yet, according to an article in The Atlantic, hedge fund AdultVest – which invests clients’ dollars in smutty ventures – claims to be up 50% in 2008 (Ed.: I hope you all appreciate how difficult it was for me to forgo a string of “up 50%” comments of a graphic nature.).

The rise (Ed.: Again!) of sites such as RedTube, which we won’t be linking to because this is still a family site, along with the recession have cut deeply (Ed.: About to die, here.) into the industry’s online revenues, once a thriving income source.  Such sites give away for free what customers would otherwise have had to have paid subscription fees to access, and likely contribute to a 15% annual decline in video sales over the last three years.

However, we would like to point out a small flaw in Francis and Flynt’s (can we just call them the F twins?) cunning plan for a bailout, and in particular the comparison with the automotive industry: not just anyone can build a car.  Automaking is a specialized industry that requires more than a locked door and a video camera on a tripod to create its end product.  We’re just sayin’.

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