In the spring of 2008, a spunky lil’ upstart decided to open a Hard Rock Cafe-branded theme park, at a cost of around $400m, in Myrtle Beach, SC.  Let’s count the fail in that sentence, and then take guesses on the ultimate fate of the park.

• Spring, 2008.  That was the real beginning of the long line of major bank failures, when Bear Stearns sold itself to the largest prisoner in the yard, JP Morgan Chase, for a pack of cigarettes.  Perhaps not the best of times for major expenditures, in hindsight.
• Spunky lil’ upstart.  In a year when even major corporations over a hundred years old were finding it hard to scrape up two pennies to rub together, this might not have been the year to be an unknown, untested company in need of funding.
• Hard Rock Cafe-branded theme park.  You know, when I think of Hard Rock Cafe, I think of bland and overpriced food, touristy t-shirts, and the violation of my right to carry drugs and nuclear weapons.  I do not think of theme parks, and if I did, it would not be a pleasant association.  Hard Rock itself only licensed its name to the park’s owners, and would probably like it if everyone stopped using its name in reference to this place.  HARD ROCK HARD ROCK HARD ROCK.
• Cost of $400m.  The park’s business plan revolved around being able to attract 30,000 visitors a day, or 3 million a year, at a ticket price of $50 each.  Whoops.  Attendance was, let’s just say, nowhere even close to those lofty numbers.
• In Myrtle Beach, SC.  Okay, look.  Myrtle Beach is one of the prettiest stretches of sand you’re likely to find on the East Coast.  But one thing it is not is easy to get to.  Here it is 2009, and the place is 70 miles off the nearest interstate.  By comparison, you can see parts of Universal Studios and Disney World from I-4.

The company that owns the park had filed for Chapter 11 in September and had hoped to find a buyer to take it off their hands, but was unable to find anyone to meet even the $35m minimum bid in an auction last month.  Burrrrrrn.  So this morning the company asked for its filing to be changed to Chapter 7, meaning the only way you are ever going to get to ride Led Zeppelin: The Ride (above) is if you buy it yourself.  And if you were owed part of that $400m, first, shame on you for not demanding payment up front in cash, and second, maybe you can write it off your taxes this year, because you’re never getting it back.