Lolo, ESQ roused me from my winter coma to tell me of this breaking news: Bernie ran a scam, but not the scam we all thought. This whole Ponzi scheme was a cunning cover for his true plan: using the US government to cover his market losses.
The way this well-reasoned and not crazy at all article explains, it would have been impossible for Bernie to have had all that money just handed to him without some sort of due diligence being performed, and that would have surely uncovered any malfeasance. So what, then, prompted Bernie to confess to being about a step above a Nigerian scammer?
Rather than saying this hedge fund has gone bust, due to its choice of investment assets and investment methologies, a scenario which is highly probable in the current financial paradigm, since all the professionals are predicting that at least 30% of all hedge funds are about to fail, more than 700 of them, the CEO chooses to fess up to fraud. If the CEO admits the fund has gone bust, then all those wealthy members of the Jewish community [Ed: wtf?] get nothing, but if the CEO admits to fraud they get their money back as compensation from the US tax payer, just as they are also drawing money back from the tax payers with the other hand.
Indeed. Well played, worthy adversary. We at LOLFed would like to apologize to Bernie for having joined in accusing him of only defrauding universities, Hollywood directors and actors, and little old ladies. Clearly we were not giving him enough credit; he is actually defrauding every last US taxpayer.
Or, he would be if the author of that article were not clinically insane. Still, if this actually happened, would there be a greater evil genius in all of history than Bernard Madoff?
Anthony J. Alfidi // Jan 2, 2009 at 11:19 pm
That’s pretty funny. The strategem gives Bernie Madoff too much credit for being clever.
liberal // Jan 2, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Is this really true? I thought the accounts are guaranteed up to $500,000 or something. That might not be a very high fraction for many of the accounts. If so, then we’re going to bail them out, but not dollar for dollar.
Jason // Jan 2, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Somehow, I suspect that nothing in that article is true.
Lolo, Esq // Jan 3, 2009 at 7:35 am
The brilliance in this plan is its simplicity.
Mark Dowling // Jan 3, 2009 at 9:01 am
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centre_for_Research_on_Globalization
According to the website’s old about page, the organization is “committed to curbing the tide of ‘globalisation’ and ‘disarming’ the New World Order” and seeks “to unveil the workings of the New World Order”.
It has opposed the influence of AIPAC and the jewish lobby, while generally condemning anti-muslim prejudices.
Bad LOLFed. No cookie.
Jason // Jan 3, 2009 at 10:39 am
Look, I did say he was clinically insane.
Lolo, ESQ // Jan 3, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Yeah but it is run by a Canadian. What does that tell you hmmmm???
Jason // Jan 3, 2009 at 12:50 pm
…that Canadians are all anti-Semites, every last one of them, from every toque-wearing hoser in Newfoundland to the last blubber-eating Eskimo in the Yukon?
Mark Dowling // Jan 3, 2009 at 12:56 pm
@Jason – in fairness, I hadn’t reached the last para. before my cranial pressure valve blew.