Donald Trump, who seems regularly possessed by delusions of grandeur, decided a couple years ago it was a GREAT time to build condos in Chicago, and started building Trump International Hotel and Tower there. The hotel part is finished, but the upper floors – the condo part – yeah, nobody bought those, and the project is short by about $100 million needed to pay senior lenders.  So, Donald is suing to extend the $640 million loan extended by Deutsche Bank and company, because it is hard out there for a pimp:

The suit demands — among other things — that an extension provision in the original loan agreement be triggered because of the “unprecedented financial crisis in the credit markets now prevailing, in part due to acts Deutsche Bank itself participated in.” This so-called force majeure provision is common in contracts and can be applied to acts of war and natural disasters. Mr. Trump already extended the loan once in May.

OK, pretty standard fare. But then he asks for $3 billion dollars in “damages,” because Deutsche sold off pieces of the loan to a cast of characters so disparate that a consensus cannot be reached:

Deutsche Bank originated the construction loan in 2005 and sold off most of it to others, retaining less than $10 million of exposure on that loan. The suit alleges that Deutsche Bank compromised the senior construction loan by selling pieces off to “so many institutions, banks, junk bond firms, and virtually anybody that seemed to come along,” that the lending group is unable to come to a consensus on how to deal with the matter.

Virtually anybody! I should call up my Mom, ask her if she has a piece of this loan and why she won’t work with Donald to get an extension.

Oh, and there’s also a conflict of interest claim – Deutsche owns a chunk of a (junior and presumably unsubordinated) mezzanine loan on this project, along with a cast of characters that includes more hedges than that topiary in the Shining:

It also alleges Deutsche Bank created a “serious conflict of interest” by taking a separate stake in the project’s so-called mezzanine loan that was originated by private-equity firm Fortress Investment Group… the suit names the mezzanine lenders as defendants, including Fortress and its affiliates, Newcastle Investment Corp. and Drawbridge Special Opportunities Fund, as well as Dune Capital Management and Blackacre Institutional Capital Management, the real-estate arm of Cerberus Capital Management.

(Blackacre? Lawyers, holla.) Is it really conflict of interest to own part of a junior and a senior loan, and what the hell is the point of blaming every single one of your junior lenders for your inability to sell condos? The only appropriate response would be for Deutsche to issue an analyst forecast that Donald Trump is headed to zero.  Bonus investment recommendation: whatever company makes toupee tape that can withstand Chicago-force winds.

Update: As of December 1, it’s on like Donkey Kong.