Pulling a fast one on…well, everyone (even actual real-life financial journalists, not just hungover half-wits such as myself who put words on pictures of bank CEOs), Wells Fargo rolled up in an old stagecoach and snatched Wachovia from ‘neath the nose of Citigroup for the princely sum of $15 billion in stock, right after Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf finished his Wheaties early Wednesday morning, but before his traditional morning constitutional.

Can I just point out that I both used the word ‘snatch’ and included a poop joke in the prior paragraph, and was so proud of myself that I made a separate paragraph to point out same?  This is why I will never ever be paid to write anything.  In fact, alyx may bill me for the sharp drop in readership following this very post.

Back to the story, Wells Fargo will be acquiring the entirety of Wachovia, as opposed to Citigroup’s offer to buy only the banking operations that would leave A.G. Edwards and Evergreen to wander the hallowed halls of One Wachovia Center for days, wondering where everyone else went.  Wachovia’s shareholders will receive just under two-tenths of Wells Fargo stock for every share of Wachovia they hold, which should make them happy since Wachovia’s stock was trading for less than a box of Stumpf’s Wheaties lately.

You may recall that Wells Fargo was one of the two suitors vying for the affections (and deposits) of Wachovia last Friday.  Your intrepid LOLFed-er picked Citi as the eventual winner of the no-prize because, let’s face it, it made a better pun.  And then a better play on Vikram Pandit’s surname.  The moral of the story is, if you want useful financial information, stick to alyx’s informed posts.  I’m mostly good for references to female genitalia.  Oh, the other moral of the story is, of course, Wachovia is the latest fail in a long string of them.  For the sake of the economy I hope it’s the last, but for the sake of this blog, I hope it isn’t.

No comment yet from Citigroup, although it is reported that Pandit was spotted earlier this morning shaking his fist with great vigor at the western sky.