LOLFED

Hawks will probably be disappointed with the FOMC statement today, as the whole thing says a whole lot of not much. Removed is the reference to downside risk of growth; however, no strong language suggesting a pause was inserted in its place. The market basically shrugged.

So, will it be one and done? Or nothing for the doves? We’ll find out at 2:30… futures are flat, but the dollar is still in modest rally mode - perhaps a sign that we’ll be making LOLTrichet rate cut graphics soon.

Oh hai! We can has capital? After telling CNBC last week there was no need, Citigroup (C) dilutes their stock to raise about $3bn. Why only 3 bil? Pandit, presumably shuffling some deck chairs about, was unavailable for comment.

Big Fed meeting today and tomorrow - and you know we’ll be on patrol all day tomorrow with Bernanke one-and-done lolz. But for today, we’re focusing on MicroHoo, MSFT and YHOO, and whether or not Microsoft will go hostile.

The decison rests in the hands of this man, Steve Ballmer:

…and we’d kinda like to buy MSFT if they would drop this whole little shenanigan, because c’mon, MicroHoo just sounds funny. Not as funny as Ballmer though.

I can has dilution? National City issues 1.2 BILLION (126 million, 1, 260,000, whatever you wanna call it) shares to raise capital.

So this morning there are huge changes in everything tied to the weaksauce lollerdollar, namely gold, oil, and EUR/USD and USD/JPY… because the European banks got caught with their pants down re: LIBOR rates. Credit markets overseas apparently aren’t as sunshine-and-LOLlipops as they would have had us believe. Alas.

SignOnSanDiego reports (as do many others) growing calls that the calculation of “core inflation” doesn’t do anyone any favors since it excludes the prices of food and gas - things that most of us buy more often than, say, flat-screen televisions. I can tell you the TVs are getting cheaper. $3.50 gas and $5 milk, those, not so much.

2.4%, huh?

Mah stimulus… where iz it?

CNBC reports that SF Fed Prez Janet Yellen came out today and said she sees little to no growth, and that “the economy has all but stalled and could even contract” over the first half of the year. Market yawns, wonders why this is news. Bonus, some lol’in stallin’:

From Reuters. Bernanke, the head of the U.S. central bank, acknowledged in response to questions that the economic crisis may be the most severe the United States has faced since the second World War.

At the same time, he said the current slowdown is nothing like the Great Depression of the 1930s, in part because the Fed has been far more proactive in its response.

WASHINGTON, April 12 (Reuters) - Financial leaders on Saturday urged the International Monetary Fund to sharpen its oversight of the global economy, which is burdened by surging food prices and a credit crisis that shows no end in sight … U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson warned of “more bumps in the road.”

Out of my fridge, Hank!